not a dump truck

one last post

2007-08-20T08:14:00.001-07:00

Well, this will be my real last post. First off, a few people have asked me what the new blog it all about. Well, I'll explain it. I've decided to run a YouTube-based serial entitled "The Seventeen". I can't really think of anything to compare it to. It'll be a comedy. I've realized that I won't have time to manage that and all the related things along with this blog, so I decided to move away from this blog. That other blog will be "in character", but what that means will have to be a surprise. I've written the script for the first episode and am currently editting it, so be patient.

On another note, the reason I wanted to make one last blog post was because I realized how much Google has access to my life. With blogger, GMail, YouTube, iGoogle, Google Calendar, and my search history, the only thing they don't really have control over is my phone and Facebook. Oh wait, that's right. I'm going to be using Grand Central in the next little while. So the only thing they don't have control over is Facebook. This worries me.

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End of Line. Forever.

MOVED!!!

2007-08-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right, I'm moving. Keep and eye out for all future blog posts at this blog.

blogging

2007-07-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, I was taking a vacation from blogging. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've realized that blogging is really stupid. No one cares what you have to say or about your opinions. The only reason to have a blog was if you already had fame; blogs are not a way to get it. Blogging must be one of the most pointless things on the internet. Yes, I do see the irony in this, and yes, I do know the correct way to use irony.

Despite my epiphany, I will still continue to blog. I may even start up a Video Blog. I've really been having a lot of funny with my camera and making videos, so expect to see some videos from me in the near future. Anyways, on to making fun of technology today. It's been a while, so some of my jokes may be a little outdated for the interwebs.

The first thing on the list is the iPhone and its security flaws. Basically, a hacker can now take over your iPhone and control it completely, from what I understand. I think Apple should forget trying to fix it and just market it as the "iPhone Shuffle". It can still do all those things the original one did, only now you can't control it. I had figured the iPhone, with all its amazing technology, would not turn over control from its owner to a hacker, but rather start controlling itself anyways. It needs that new custom case imported from Japan anyways, and besides, if you didn't want it, why'd you give it your credit card information?

Okay, that's all I have the stomach to make fun of today.

End of Line.

my pokemans!

2007-07-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

So, to anyone out there who is wondering why I'm no longer choosing zigs or memes or whatever you wish to call them for Fads of The Week, it is because I realised just how stupid the internet was. Before I knew it was stupid, but now I actually can measure it. It scores a 3.2 out of 100.

Anyways, I think Pokémon has officially become one of the main driving forces in my life. Scary, eh? I beat the Elite Four, but I'm still obsessed with the game. I even went so far as to find my Blue, Yellow, Ruby, and Emerald versions and restart those games so I can get Pokémon from them on to my Pearl version. I think I may even go buy a used copy of Gold... I can't explain why I'm so obsessed with this game. I haven't been this controlled by a video game since Animal Crossing, when I was close to adding gaming time to my schedule. Actually, that might be a good idea... I good get back to all my favorite games. Maybe Pokémon isn't so evil. It's resparked my love for games.

I've actually been trying to get hooked on a different game. Star Fox 64 isn't working, so I think I may have to buy a new game. Now would be a good time to get that 360 Elite, and then I could get Guitar Hero II... At least on August 27th I'll have Metroid Prime 3.

So, yeah, basic ramblings. Nothing exciting going on in my real life, but a whole lot's happening inside my DS screen. That game's just so addicting. In a week I'll have a nice good book to read, so maybe that'll help. Oh, yeah, and it's also my 15th birthday, but no one cares. They'll all be reading, or ruining for people. I think I may push my birthday a few days back this year.

In other news, well, uh... I- umm... Really, there's nothing else going on in my life. It stinks. I may need to lock that game away so I can stop playing it.

End of Line.

clue hug!

2007-07-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

I watched the Season Premieres of Monk and Psych today. It's pretty exciting because those are two of my top five T.V. shows. The episodes were definitely some of my favorites from each series. I loved Disher's obsession with the Jenga-esque game, and the ending was hilarious. Not to mention Sara Silverman's guest star role- arguably some of the funniest moments in the history of Monk. Clue hug! Psych was so enjoyable because of my personal choice to abstain from watching American Idol except for the first round. "And besides, that guy's Latino, not black. It's totally different." My favorite part was Jules and her obsessive dance/cheerleader persona, reawakened from that sorority episode. Well, any ways, I should be able to stuff myself with enough detective comedies until the Season Premiere of The Office.

End of Line.

remember the gamers

2007-07-11T20:02:00.001-07:00

Ahh, E3. My favorite time of year. Even though this year I just read a few updates and otherwsie didn't pay any attention to it. At all. I completely ignored Sony as usual, just hoping that there'd be enough humor in their keynote to replace all the "Giant Enemy Crab" videos on YouTube. The only things Microsoft-wise I am concerned about with are the Elite and Halo 3, and until I get an Elite I'm not too worried about those. Then came Nintendo's press conference. Wow. They need their own convention. They're not dealing with video games any more.

First off, let me say that December 3rd is joining August 27th for the "Most Anticipated Day This Year" for me. I'm pretty excited. The zapper looked pretty cool. But now, we need to get to the big shocker: Wii Fit. What in the world is this Nintendo? A balance board? I don't want my Wii to know how much I weigh!

So apparently video games have officially gotten to the point where they are healthy for you. You can cancel your membership at 24 Hour Fitness, because you can have your body by Wii. I think a better way to get in shape would be to sell Reggie Fils-Aime as a personal trainer. I'd think everyone would be a lot more healthy if they had him in their living room yelling at them to get in shape.

"Reggie, I need a water break, I been in here all day!"
"What did you say?"
"Said, I need a water break."
"A water break? Water is for cowards. Water makes you weak. Water is for washing blood off that Wii-mote and you don't get no blood on my Wii-mote, boy you must be outside your mind! We are going to do up-downs, until Mario is no longer tired, and thirsty. "

I just want some more real games. What every happened to Star Fox 64? (Which, by the way, I recently downloaded and am currently obsessed with)

End of Line.

more than meets the eyes

2007-07-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, I saw Transformers. Yes, it was amazing. It was probably the most action-packed movie of the summer. Sometimes the action was so intense I couldn't even tell whether two robots were fighting or one was just transforming. I loved the show and have the entire first season on DVD. And, not to spoil anything, but this movie did not have the same horrible ending the first Transformers movie had.

So yes, sometimes the transforming sequences were unnecessarily long, but it was still a great movie. Much better than "Evan Almighty".

End of Line.

iJunk

2007-07-01T18:47:00.001-07:00

Being a geek, I am obliged to make a post about the iPhone. I'll do it Carl Kasell style in homage to my sister.

It's sure to make you parents groan
As they go to withdrawl a loan
For the latest from Mac
Coming only in Black,
The hot-off-the-line iPhone.

Now it's time to talk about this phone. It's everything you could expect to not be in a phone: it has a camera, internet access, an iPod, YouTube, maps, a toaster, a six-month old orhpan, a calculator, and more. Which means you're going to get a terrible internet browser, a terrible camera, AND a terrible phone. Actually, I really don't know if the iPhone is good or not. I did see one in person earlier today, but I have yet to test it out. All I know is that if T-Mobile ever has it, I'm buying it.

End of Line.

a song writer?!?!

2007-06-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone...
In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming.
Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics.
Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I took a little test, and it says I should be a song writer. I think this is the first test I've ever taken that has told that to be REALLY successful, I need to do drugs. On a related note, I've finished part of the my up and coming off-Broadway musicale extravaganza "Stupid". Here it goes:

When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I will bomb them on my own behalf
But I'm not
A celebrated head of state or
Specially great communicator
Do I have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!

I just go nukeyular! Please -
It's all about nukeyular!
You don't care so much
If you're bombed and such
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very nukeyular
Like me!

This is the scene where Bush tries to convince the American public that bombing the Middle East is "just the right thing to do".

End of Line.

PARIS IS FREE!

2007-06-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, Paris is free and everything is once again right with the world. As long as Britney and K-Fed REALLY get back together. Yes, I know, this is a few days late, but I have a good reason. I've been too absorbed in the Sinnoh world of Pokémon. Yes, I recently purchased Pokémon Pearl, and I've been addicted to that game. It's pretty much taken over my life. I've never really been much of an RPG gamer, but I have always loved the Pokémon games. I never got into anything like the T.V. shows or that stuff, I just played the games (none of the spin-offs, except for "Pokémon Snap").

Anyways, I've been playing this game for around two weeks now. I have probably the best team in the world. But I still need one more gym badge. I actually think for the first time in my life I might be TOO obsessed with a video game. I find myself planning out my team, their moves, what items to give them, what time to play the game. I go online and look up all the best movesets... I'm going to be angry when I beat this game, because I'll have nothing to do for the summer. Of course, I could get Pokémon: Battle Revolution and see the awesome battles on my Wii... NO! I'VE GOT TO GET OFF THIS POKÉCRACK!!!

Alright. Pokémon is dangerous. Don't do drugs.

End of Line.

Deathly Harry

2007-06-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

I decided I need to post my feelings on the seventh Harry Potter book, and my ideas for what is going to happen. This is just so when I'm right, I have proof. Feel free to comment, but because this book is coming out on MY birthday, I'm pretty much and expert on it.

Possible ending #1-

James Potter is still alive. This is my favorite idea for the ending as it is just crazy enough to happen. It came after watching the second movie. Tom Riddle says "You'll be back with your dear mudblood mother soon" and "I'll kill you, just like I killed your mother!" This is the only time I know of in the entire series that Voldemort even mentions killing his parents. I'm pretty sure its the same in the books. Peter Pettigrew gave me more support for this idea: If he was able to escape death by turning into an animal, then James could have too. There's also nothing really in the books that proves he's dead. Then I was able to come up with one final piece of evidence to back up my theory: The Invisibility Cloak. How did Dumbledore get James's cloak? Besides, it's not like James didn't know Voldemort was coming. He had plenty of time to plan something.

Possible ending #2-

James Potter is Voldemort. This would actually explain a whole lot, most importantly the connection between Voldemort and Harry. This ties right into the theory number one.

Possible ending #3-

This one is really out there: JK Rowling is Hermoine. The entire series is a true story.

Possible ending #4-

Hermoine dies. I had a dream about it, and it just seems like it's going to happen.

These are the four possibilities my friends and I came up with after a two and a half hour discussion. I really think the first one is going to happen. It's more likely than Dumbledore still being alive.

End of Line.

Safari on Windows

2007-06-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

I would like to congratulate myself on 10 blog posts. I think this is a record for me.

Today I said to myself "What the heck? I might as well try Safari on my computer." I figured it'd be like a camera: It's really good, and you love it, but once you put it on a cell phone it becomes terrible and you hate it every day of your life. It's not that bad, but definitely not as good as it is on Macs. Dang, I really need to get one of those. I hate this stupid PC... Anyways, as I was saying, it's still pretty good. I'm mostly excited about the draggable tabs: one thing I was dying for in FireFox. Speaking of FireFox, I miss the few nice things it did for me like typing in my screen name in websites I visited frequently. I feel like I betrayed FF... I'm still debating whether or not to switch back. Ehh... with this big security threat I should probably switch back. I don't really want to.

Well, I'm still in trial mode for Safari. In other related-to-me news, I organized all my documents today. I took the 400+ plus documents sitting in My Documents and my "Other" folder, deleted a ton of them, and organized the rest of them. I feel pretty proud of myself.

Hmm... not much else going on. Check back later.

End of Line.

celebrities

2007-06-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

First off, I would like to personally apologize to who I believe to be the first non-family member/close friend to read my blog. I am very sorry, and I promise it won't happen again. Now I need to apologize for abandoning my blog for the past month or so.

On a more positive note, I think we should all take a moment to celebrate the amazing Britney Spears news. You may remember the rumors that Britney was dying to get back together with her ex-husband... And there was that whole shaving her head thing, then rehab, and what-not. On a recent vacation to Mexico, Britney leaked that after many tears and secret, late-night talks, she and K-Fed are set to get back together.

I don't know about you guys, but this is the greatest news I've heard this year. Finally, all can be right with the world now that K-Fed and Britney are back together. Britney and Kevin represent the hope and optimism in the world. They're symbols to bring peace to all of us. Now American can final solve all those other minor problems.

I've heard some criticism about this view on celebrities, but I believe they are what makes America: They're on T.V., they're in magazines and newspapers, they're in the movies, they're on the internet. That pretty much covers the entire world. Well, at least America, but that's all that's really important. America would be in even more shambles without celebrities.

Eh... that's all for now.

End of Line.

if only he had a brain...

2007-05-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

For those of you who haven't heard, President Bush started a book-a-thon with Karl Rove. And he's winning, 60 books to 50. Many critics are arguing that it can't be possible for him to have completed that many books over Rove. I believe it. Bush is a very good decider of what colors to put in the books.

Alright, time to move away from the political satire. I have come to a realization that shakes my very core as a blog artist. Err- blogist. The realization is a big shot to my large ego. It is, that simply put: No one cares and no one's reading. Although disappointing that my fanbase is a lot smaller than I hoped, it gives me a dream for the future. And now I realize that I can say whatever I want and not have to worry about insulting one of my readers.

One day... one day I'll be an internet sensation... even though the doctor said I'd never blog again!

End of Line.

ouch.

2007-04-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

In addition the habitual days of fun and excitement I enjoy, today I got to have two teeth yanked out. Too lazy to do a FTW, but I don't think anyone cares.

End of Line.

NO WAI!

2007-04-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

And with that message from our sponsors, we return to FTW. Today's show focuses on an owl that has gotten way too old for anything on the internet. Yet somehow there are still enough n00bs who think it's funny to respond to a thread with "O RLY?" and the picture of the innocent snowy owl. Please, save the dignity of this owl and stop posting that picture.

Yes, I am hypocritical, but that's beside the point. For the more ignorant of my viewers, "O RLY?" is internet-speak for "Oh really?". It is often followed by "YA RLY!" (Yeah, really.), "NO WAI!" (No way!), and finally "YA WAI!" (Yeah way.) The phrase was probably around before the owl, but since our fine-feathered friend made his fame on the internet, "O rly?" has become as widely overused as "lol". Many parody pictures have been created with topics ranging from President Bush to Harry Potter. It's been included in a number of easter eggs in videos and games, and has probably reached one of the top 5 most-known things on the internet. But it's old. So stop it. Please, I beg of you.

On a side note, how many of you have seen the musical "Wicked"? I've been thinking about a parody version called "Stupid" regarding the presidency of President Bush. The opening song will be "No One Mourns the Stupid". The soundtrack also features "The Decider and I", "Dancing Through Life" (as is), "Nukeyular", and Hillary's big solo number "I'm Not That Girl". Just a thought, in case any big Broadway producers are reading this.

End of Line.

The Brave Little Toaster

2007-04-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today was the vocabulary cumulative in Engrish. Not too difficult, but I had a lot of extra time when I finished. I was too awake to take a nap and too lazy to do any work, so I took out a piece of paper and a pencil. 35 minutes later, I came up with the below image. It's a still-life of a toaster. Someone told me it looked like a backpack, but he's obviously an idiot.

So... yeah. Not much going on in teh fascist's life right now.

End of Line.

I'm sick and tired of these snakes on this interwebs!

2007-04-02T19:18:00.001-07:00

Alright, Snakes on a Plane won the stupidest movie title of 2006, no doubt. (Blood and Chocolate might win for 2007) It's one of the most well-known movies on the Internet next to The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. (Haha... nerds) Most people wondered why they didn't change the name. However, Samuel L. Jackson stated "That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title." Of course, that's only part of the reason it's so famous. The real hook is a combination of the excessive swearing (I didn't even know the f-word could be used that many times in one sentence) and the fact that people didn't know if it was supposed to be a serious movie before they went to see it.

That's one more fad down, over 42,000,000 to go.

Oh man, I've got this bad pain in my neck. It's mostly pretty subtle, but occasionally I'll twist it the wrong way and it'll just start hurting really bad. Between that and this huge cut on my hand, I've got a good enough excuse to delay making my first video until next Saturday.

Yeah, I didn't pull any April Fool's jokes, but I'm not quite that big of an internet force yet...

My time will come... someday...

End of Line.

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360+31337=31697

2007-03-28T16:20:00.001-07:00

I'm excited. No, I'm REALLY excited. I've been wanting to get an XBox 360 forever. I always found myself not quite being able to get one- mostly because of money. However, it looks like holding out has been a good thing. If you haven't heard the rumors, the black XBox 360 has been confirmed. Named the "XBox 360 Elite," at 120GB it has a bigger hard drive than my computer. No joke, eh? Oh yeah, then there's that whole thing about HDMI. Unfortunately, it costs $479 and after blowing all my money on Wii my current bank account totals $0. Anyone know where I can get five Benjamins by the end of April?

Okay, I've got the green light for the use of a MacBook Pro's video camera so I should have some videos by maybe June or something. I procrastinate a lot.

End of Line.

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WIIIIIIII!!!

2007-03-24T07:26:00.001-07:00

How are you gentlemen!!

Good news Wii owners, looks like there will be a Guitar Hero Thwii. But don't worry, it comes with a Guitar controller so you won't be able to throw the Wiimote at the T.V. However, I hear there will be persistent warnings about not smashing your guitar on the ground. Knowing how much Wii users get into the game, I'd add a warning about not biting off the heads of any birds.

Anyways, this post officially starts the "Fad of The Week". And the fad this week is...

All Your Base! AYB may be one of the first video-game sparked fads on the internet. It quickly evolved from an almost unknown mistranslated Genesis game called "Zero Wing" to a song, 10,000,000 videos, valentines cards, and a YouTube maintenance notice. But what makes the video so popular? It is the fact that the evil character is named "Cats" and is already partially destroyed before you ever battle him? Maybe the lack of correct punctuation and past tense ("What you say?", "What happen?")? I believe it's the "Zig". It's very hard to find what sparks an internet phenomenon, but I think Zero Wing had the "Zig".

I set up you the bomb. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time.

End of Line.

ALERT TEH INTRAWEBZ!!

2007-03-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, Al Gore invented it. Now I'm helping you get through this series of tubes we call "the Internet".

The Internet and You:

If you've been on the Internet, you've probably noticed that it has become its own subculture. People are obsessed with it. It's bigger than The Beatles. The Internet can be a useful tool for providing intelligent information to people all across the world. Of course, that's not what it's used for. It's used for posting videos, message boards, and all forms of online communities. People join these communities to meet others who share a common interest such as a favorite pastime or T.V. show. Within the discussions of these varied topics, one thing is found common in all of them: Fads.

Some fads become legends. Even those who do not frequent the Internet know of emoticons and Internet slang such as "lol". Others become popular only within the domain of the web, such as famous online videos, or quotes from them. Even some people are sucked into the popularity of the online community and become "Internet Stars".

I'm a big fan of the Internet. I owe my devotion to the web to my addiction to video games. The first online community I joined, Nintendo NSider, was a result of my love for my N64. Having used the Internet for several years, I've seen a number of online trends come and go. Even my pseudonym comes for an episode of "Teen Girl Squad" on Homestarrunner.com. I realize that these fads are idiotic and often insulting to society as a whole, but a few of them are really entertaining.

That is why I have dedicated my blog to the Internet and the trends that populate it. I'll be having a "Fad of The Week," FTW for short (Yes, that was intended). If you would like to see me talk about a specific fad, please email me at awesome.toaster@gmail.com. I'll be happy to receive your concerns there as well.

Now, moving on. My second goal with this blog is to not only review internet fads but to start one. This has been my dream for a number of years, but it's easier said than done. This blog will not be strictly about current and past Internet fads, but hopefully also be the birthplace of a new one. If I get a video camera I'll be sure to create some videos as well.

Spotlighting:

A comedian on YouTube called "boburnham" has released a few videos of his comic talent. My personal favorite is "My Whole Family...".

End of Line.